tired.

super busy past few days and tired.
foot spa was okok only for me..

read the email.

Lonely. Confused. Tired.

:) meetings n meetings.. Need massage,..

Went little vietnam to eat again.. Haha wan intro Simon to the waitress.. She really lik damn sweet.

Saw kelvins gf.. She didn't pour acid on me. Hahaha *phew*

Foot spa tmr with pat! :D

Meeting in the morning again.. Siannnnzzz..
These few days drink beer.. Still prefer cocktail kind.. Now they auto count me in when drinking le..

I know u upset to lose ur phone.. Hai.
Hopefully iPhone can allow u to restore..

:)



Love is just to make us suffer

What I wan to say is I miss u..

But I dun wan to say it cuz I dun wan to ruin everything..

I good girl u good boy.. Can we keep it that way?

Kl soonnnnn!!!!! 6th nov morning fly, 7th night back. :) haha manage to get Val.. Hoepfukly save more money and go othr places! After the dentist la. Hai.......

:)

yeah. jus reach home.. dinner with my mum..

had vietnamese food recently.
all thanks to my colleague and his 'little vietnam'
at Grandlink.. not bad la.. haha..
ate sea snails (!) and tried some interesting stuff..
the noodles not bad..

jo says will bring me to eat mexican food.. hopefully it happens!

hais... my teeth costing me alot of money..
am thinking if i should get another tuition kid.
$$$$$$$$... sian.

ive got presentation on monday! to Management Committee.. stress.
arrow by my boss.
argh.
lucky i ask him go througgh with me.. but left notes in the office. so tmr gotta go back and take..

pics! 3rd October esplanade outing.. i think i will not disclose the resident names, not that its impt anyway. its jus funny calling them resident 1 2 3... but oh well.
i'm proud of myself.. hahaa i manage to remember quite a number of them.

at work now.. :P

tired cuz nto enugh slp.
but happy cuz of the reason that i'm not having enough slp :)

i met my ex yest.
at eunos mrt platform.
jus like tt.. i walked up the escalator.
turned. and ta-da there he was.
haha. of cuz i walked up and said hi.. haha

cuz i'm forgiving and, such a long time liao.. and nothing le ba
haah. he told me he quit smoking half a year le..
which i am happy for him as a friend..
he used to tell me he will give up for me.. (of coz he didnt, i'm not so silly)
but i always feel u should do it because u want to.
then the motivation is there, and u know its for U.

watched 500days of summer yest.. not a bad show i mus say..
the way they film and all...
in a way the ending kinda sucked... but haha life is really like tt

continue when i reacxh home :P

u proved me wrong :)

stop playing with me..
stop.

why cant u jus tallkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

argh..

I'm amazed at how sshameless I am. Hahahaha

Why u still dun wan talk about things....
U laughing at my stupidity and my shamelesness right..

Y love can be so blind?
Haha I like pain.. I siao already

but u can love someone like crazy.. u can also hate someone like crazyy...

if ever one day.. i start to hate u..
i mus really salute u. haha

how long can i continue being like tt?
how long u wan me to be like tt?
even if u wan to pretend nothing has happen.. let me know.
but i KNOW. ure not really ok yet...
then wth. jus tell me la.
if u wan tell me actions speak louder than words.. i dunno. i'm scared...

1132pm.

missed u. went to look at the msgs u sent me...
the last time i saw 'love' was 19jul2009 3.47am....

feels like a long time ago..
i remember i went ktv with gary pat willie.. and u asked me where to eat around there..

6 sep u sent me a heart.. doest that count?


no msg, nothing from u..
and the game continues..
im always the loser..
dun wan to feel anything.. i dun wan to feel anythingg..

very long never ktv liao i realise.


its really easier to be the selfish one.
u dun feel anything for others..
u dun get hurt.
u only get to hurt people.
u do things the way u want.
there will always be someone willing to compromise..

but the worse thing is.. i cant even be selfish.
i cant do it.
sure i get angry and all..
but jus let it out and things go back to normal...

somehow i dun belong to this world..

hmmm anyway.. ddamn damn damn. spending alot of money on dentist.
went for massage today... to pamper myself.. and manicure..
now i need to start saving le..
i dun wan to wear dentures at such a youngg age!
but where am i gonna get the money?

i'm all alone in this war..
are u in or out?

i miss the days when we were poor, miserable .. because i was happy then.
now i'm carrying the braun buffel bag u gave me, lv wallet u gave me..
but somehow i'm not happy at all... we're not happy ..
can i return these things? because i would rather have my happiness back..
they dont mean a thing to me.. if theres no u..

going 大家唱 at night.. :)

i suddenly feel like drinking again..

why i so useless.. argh.

i screwed up.. big time.
dunno what i can do to make things ok..

how can everything be going well n now.. its like crashing down again
and this time its my fault..

are u gonna contact me..
hais..

god.. why is it so difficult..

i dun even feel like going home..
i start to think..
then i cry..
i wish u tell me things gonna be ok..

at least the past 2 weeks i saw positive stuff..
is it all gone now?
i feel our thing is so fragile now..
and i know.. the more i keep contacting u.. the more i'll irritate u..
so i mus ren..

i tried very hard to not let u see/hear me cry for the past one month...
i hope u contact me.. to let me know things are alright..

its the 13th again liao.

so i miss u more today...
because supposed to put money in dog..
supposed to u give the money a kiss and i give the money a kiss and put the money in the damn dog.

Is this like a trick?

Hai really dunno wat u thinking..
Dunno What I do also to be treated like tt

I really happy leh yest.. Why today like tt

exactly.

u called yest.. actually i was slping. but no worries..
good to talk to u...

when i recovered, and u have the time..
maybe i can go watch ur match, go play badminton, have steamboat, go learn baseball from you, go have supper with you, go and behave like somehow i still fit in ur life..
haha i know its ur polite way of sayingg 'no'...
u always say wait till i ok.. wait till i this.. next time..

its funnie how when i'm not with u.. ure always home early..
when i'm with you somehow u love to be outside..
u say i dun like to do the things u like to do..
slp, watch tv, read ur comics, what else? play soccer..

i like to do all these things..
but u jus hate me right.
u didnt even gave us a chance to spend time to do all these things.. haha..
deep down inside ur heart, i think u hate me.
as long as i wan to do anything with u.. u jus dun wan to do.

i like talking to u.. but
i know u wanted to make me jealous yest.
yes i was.
but i no longer have the right to say anyting.
and even if i did.. does it make any difference?
will u even care?
wats the purpose of u saying it in the first place?
i know. i know ure very happy now.
i know i ruined ur life.

is it something wrong with me?
is it i dunno how to be a gf?

u finally got rid of me.
ur most hated person not with u liao..
i never act emo.. i really feelin sad, i really hurt.
spend the whole freaking weekend crying for somebody who hates me.
well done.



today we broke up
you told me to meet someone better than you, and be happy
you're jus like all the other guys
what happened to when you told me you loved me?
honestly, i dont wan you to be happy
what am i going to do when if you really forget about me?
i'm in so much pain, much more pain than i can bear,
because i'm still in love with you

ok. i'm really supposed to slp. but cant. cant cant cant cant cant.

spent the past few hours in fb. here and there.. duno doing wat. jus to pass time.
then i did the ultimate thing. i went to my blog histories.
to the year 2007..
and i realised i was quite happy then, the bubbly cheerful me.
2008.. abit sad.. but still not bad. i think this year is the worst year.

i seem to have been upset most of the year. and i continue to be upset.
maybe because suddenly i'm not so loved anymore.
i saw the pic of the couple ring that we took. i wished we never bought the rings. seriously. ( DEC 07)
from the day u lost urs, i should have known.
and when did it become boring for jus 2 person to go out? when we did it for 2 whole fucking years?

no pt looking at the past right, cuz last time u were this sweet and wonderful man.
i miss my sweet and wonderful man.
i tot he came back.. i tot i saw him for a while..
and then he left again..

i miss the cheerful me.
the happy person.
i said i will wait.. but my determination not so strong liao.
this is second time le.. i know to u.. cannot wait = too bad.
cuz u dun treasure this thing at all..
cuz ure rich, successful, got money, got car, u wan women got women.
who am i anymore to u?
nobody.


i miss the amazing man whom i fell in love with. where is he?
he didnt meet me everyday. he didnt chauffeur me around.
he didnt buy me expensive gifts. he jus used his heart.
he simply gave me his heart. the very pure and innocent kind of rs.
he made me smile with his simple jokes, simple food..
he was much more patient, loving and kind..

u keep saying look to the future. i'm looking.
i'm jus stating the things i miss about u thats all.
somehow it doesn change the fact that i still love u now.
but i wish i jus wish..

tooth extracted.... but it really feels damn differnt. :(

started off as a good day yest.. dentist, go around.. i didnt mind waiting..
no complains.. just that my cough came back, flu.. so abit tired.. and nothing much for me to talk..
so kept quiet.. i like can go around.. know things.. see see..

then didnt go so well le.
hais.

i'm confused. and i know u dun wan talk about it.
i wish u explain somethings to me..
but i noe its my wishful thinking..
but thanks..
thanks for the doctor's visit, thanks for the dentist's visits.
i know they required special arrangements and special effort..

one more root canal. neeed to go specialist.. $$ again..
and i lost in mJ.. hhaa
wah i went without a win for TONG and NAN.. with erquan and zijian grabbing the wins.. faints.
yinshan was the big winner! haha


ok. nvm
i need go home slp.
i hope u contact me, somehow.

Why I like to 做贱 myself... Hai

stupid doc.. say until maciam like nothingg wrong. dun even wan give me mc.

and i am still lao-sai-ing!

argh

i miss u!

Anyone knows how it feels like to puke thru ur nose? Hahaha I jus did.. N I can tell u... It's freaking disgusting...

And wat a freaking bad time to fall sick either... Wed got to submit stats to Simon!! Already MSG him.. Even if ok tmr I think the vomit and diarrohea will keep me up all night..

I never tell u..
Because I'm afraid..
Maybe u think I'm trying to make excuse to see u.. Haha n I dun wan disturb watever ure doing..

Jus now I stopped at tanah merah...
Again. Xq u remember that time, I stomache and had to leave u alone to go tamp... N u? U remember I called u.. N u rushed to tanah merah.. Haha that was last year I think.. Now everything is so much different..

I'm such a weak person.. Always fall sick and make u take care of me... Until u feel like i'm such a burden.. But I jus want u to be there when I need u... That's all..

So sorry I drank abit too much on sat..
Gina sorry to be so disgusting.. Haha so paiseh.. I cannot control haha

Wan slp le.. Maybe I'll dream of u Carin for me.. Hopefully tmr better n can work

i'm a slut..

ive been trying to convince myself i'm not.
ive been trying to think positive about the whole thing.
ive been trying to take it slow.
ive been trying to give u at least some level of trust, for whatever reason i duno.

ive been trying to erase all the negative stuff.
jus like u said.
jus like u said.

i wish u tell me what u are doing.
god damn honest truth.

Confused

i wan vera wang dress toooooooooooooooooooooooo!
*starts dreaming about her Celestial*

cut my hair. and i think it sucks. cuz its so much shorter. damn

tmr will go and admire the mooon...
sat go esplanade with my ah mah ah gong and celebrate shan birthday..
sunday tuition. thats it. my weekend


i was gonna leave it to fate.
seems like fate is there.
but somehow..
is everything a game?




為著你今仔日欲來找我　對早上等到深夜

阮總是相信你會甲阮來作伴　猶原無影無跡

我不敢想那無你甘會生活　按怎渡我的生命

寒風也冷袂過你對我的心肝　那堪糟蹋著我



愛到你心驚驚　想到你心痛痛

但是我無法度將感情收煞

看到你愛別人就親像你愛我　按怎攏袂心痛



愛到你心驚驚　想到你心痛痛

我己經無資格對你講條件

等別人對待你就親像你對我　愛到才知影痛