ha.

after that crazy post, im back!
feel better now.
feel better than the past few weeks.
cant wait for oct to end.

i think ... my trip gonna have problems
hais
pls let me have a good trip
a relax one

fuck my life
fuck relationships
fuck love
fuck his friends
fuck eveything

i hope i never have to cry and hurt like that again.
never.

is there anything i can do to make the pain go away?
is there something you would like to do?

i have to be strong
strong strong strong

its been crazy so far.

went home. first thing, gt scolded.
second thing, settle family problems,.
and i wasnt in a good mood somemore.
third thing, the bf.

i deserved to be scolded because im seldomhome
but i wasnt scolded BECAUSE im not at home
but because i forgot something
i also wish i can change my forgetfulness
but too bad.

second, family thing settled.
sort of. pending some stuff. but at least the quarrels should stop.

third, the bf.
i love my bf alot. everyone knows. i think he noes.
all i ask for.
is some love, commitment, faithfulness.
very difficult?
why women can do it and men just cant?
BORN THIS WAY?
no wonder more women wan to stay single.
and guys say we want to pick fight and dun have trust.
i wish guys would look at themselves, the lies, their actions and then THINK.
then they will understand its Their fault that women became like tt.
but i guess of course no pt blaming anyone.
women can also do the same back to men.
then men can say singapore women, more and more demanding, blah blah blah
when they dunno that its they prove to us being faithful and nice is no use.
we being taken as idiots and step on.

i jus ask 3 simple things
love, commitment and faithfulness
really so difficult?

Make me cry again, Hate. What's wrong with a few msgs? Every couple got MSG or some even talk on the phone. In Singapore less because get to meet. So overseas naturally will miss n wanna MSG mah.. Wrong meh?

eee i dun like this weekend.

had a good talk with my dear pat.
miss her so much.
and i managed to get my drink! woooots.
if not for my bloody ulcers would be very happy to down more.
dont know why
think tense ba nowadays.
and its good to have people to talk to nowadays.
u know like 'i talk, and u listen, u talk and i listen?'

most of the time conversations.. they jus get cut in between. and some people jus pour cold water before you even get to the main pt. most people cant be bothered to stand in the person's pt of view and think.

NOBODY REALLY LISTENS nowadays right?
which is why..
sometimes i dont bother talking at all
or
i jus be funny the whole night
and i rather listen to other people.
cause
theres no pt

anyway i hope darling wins 1st prize in 4d! cause i have a shaaareee! :D
and im sick and tired of looking at this office, and entertaining all these ungrateful people
they are turning me into an evil person, so i need a break from all of them.
to jus believe in humans again
18 more days :D
been trying not to buy things. because theres HK.
13th is mummy and daughter day out :)

im very uncomfortable and upset.
because i dunno why i need to face these things.
why am i being put through all these tests?
and yes, i need to be strong.
i need to have faith.
i need to be committed.
no question about it.. nobody has questions about it.
except for me.
i have lots of questions

i dont like to be last.
nobody likes to be.
but i especially dont like to be placed behind people who i think DONT deserve to be in front of me.


im really a nice person. genuine most of the times.
of course, i admit to the whole freaking world, im selfish at times.
i try to escape from my responsibilities from time to time. im stupid and blur.
i dont ALWAYS think from other people pt of view.

but im definitely not superwoman.
i can put on a smile and hang out with eeveryone.
but then, whos ready to listen to my worries and troubles?
and i mean listen.

so turn one whole big round. realise i haven really said wat i wanted to say. hahaa.

anyway im very excited for pat and gary. hehee
wish them successs
im still hoping to work with pat one day!!! PATRICIA LIM XIN HUI, earn more $$, i also wan to save up and do biz liao!

shit.
i did something wrong again.
organise a talk by another organisation and have to last min cancel
because i forgot that the aunties have another activity elsewhere
sometimes i jus wanna be nice.
give them different things, beneficial things beacuse other people say its good
so whyyyyy does it blow up at my face?
and how come pass through so many hands, nobody mentioned that theres something else!?!?!?

but its my fault la.
if i know i dun organisee.
its because i see my colleagues everyday jus waiting for this centre to rot and die and close down


hmmm im reading mitch albom latest, Have a Little Faith. most of the book is filled with conversations between the Reb and Mitch
some stuff that i would like to share:
about war..

Mitch: But so many people wage wars in God's name.
Reb: Mitch, God does not want such killing to go on.
Mitch: Then why hasnt it stopped?
Reb: Because men does.

and its true.
its something we dont think about. especially those involved in the wars.

about happiness....

mitch: What makes a man happy?
Reb: Having more does not keep you from wanting more. And if you always want more- to be richer, more beautiful, more well known - you are missing the bigger picture, and i can tell you from experience, happiness will never ever come.
Reb: Be satisfied, be grateful
mitch: That's it?
Reb: For what you have, for the love you receive. And for what God has given you.
Mitch: That's it?
Reb (sighing deeply): That's it

haha i laughed at this.
the Reb just said, be grateful and statisfied.
but we always think happiness as having this and that, a long list of neverending wants/needs.
and so he sighed at Mitch for asking 'that's it?'
because nobody can believe that happiness is just so simple.


about death...

Mitch: What do people fear most about death?
Reb: Well, for one thing, what happens next? Where do we go? is it what we imagined?
Mitch: That's big.
Reb: Yes. But there's something else.
Mitch: What else?
Reb: Being forgotten.

about marriage...

Reb: i think people expect too much from marriage today. They expect perfection. Every moment should be bliss. That's TV or movies. But that is not the human experience. The trick is twhen things aren't so great, you don't junk the whole thing. it's okay to have an argument. It's okay that the other one nudges you a little, bothers you a little. It's part of being close to someone. But the joy you get from the same closeness - when you watch your children, when you wake up and smile at each other - that, as our tradition teaches us, is a blessing. People forget that.
Mitch: Why do they forget it?
Reb: Because the word 'commitment' has lost its meaning...... A committed person was someone to be admired. He was loyal and steady. Now a commitment is something you avoid. You don't wan to tie yourself down.... But real commitment? That requires staying power - in faith and in marriage.
Mitch: And if you don't commit?
Reb:Your choice. But you miss what's on the other side.
Mitch: Whats on the other side?
Reb: Ah, a happiness you cannot find alone.

... thats all for now. hahaa still wanna continue to read :P

but its very insightful.
and some of the stuff i really believe in them
jus maybe i think its hard to find someone who believes in the same things as i do

they are really making me very vry demoralised~~~

i know that this is part of my job so i have to take it.
but do they really have to make it THIS difficult?