haha. tell you all something.. which i should have known long ago. or i shouldnt have taken for granted...

humans are so unpredictable.
one moment, he claims to love you. he swears to everyone, to god, to you.. that he loves only you. he tells you even if the whole world dont wan you.. he will be there for you.
he tells you he will work hard for a future together.
he calls you his future wife. he tells you he is going to marry you. might not be the age that you want. might be later.


and you think... ok.. where on earth you gonna find such a guy? so successful, sweet, loving, caring and wonderful. you think it doesn matter that we marry young old, as long as we're together. you're unsure of the future, but you know both of you are working towards that common goal. he build his career, you build yours and in the end, build a family together. maybe lucky can even be tai tai. but then again, so boring. you think if he could love you all these years, he could love you forever.

and so you fall.. you lean.. you believe.. you think.. your life is so wonderful.
some problems here and there. big and small quarrels here and there. cursing and swearing here and there. crying and shouting here and there. but somehow you know that at the end of the day, you will grow up, be more understanding, try harder and compromise for the better future.


the next moment, he decides. he wants to break up. he cant stand you anymore. everything is wrong. you are wrong, direction is wrong. goals are wrong. and u think. what happened? and u think and think.. and maybe u finally start to understand what happen.. its too late.. u try to tell him that you understand certain things were your fault. that you shouldnt have done this shouldnt have done that. and u tell him that you know what has happened and you will change. and you think he would have used the time to think about it too. but he's scared now. he's lost. stressed. he doesn know what he should do.

he tells you he still loves you but theres something wrong. and you think. if two people really love each other, they should try to work things out together. because this is how they become stronger together. but then, things alittle bit more complicated. and you try to blame him, hate him. but you cant. cause you were in the wrong too. and you accept it. you think that you accept it and you show him how much thought, care, and love you have put into the relationship, he might want to try. he might wan to slowly try and talk about things.

and now you dunno.. he seems tired.. and you hope that somebody will finally call you for an interview. that you will get a job soon. at least get something right and moving in your life. and that you will prove to everyone that you are heading back into the same direction already. you got lost for a while and you want to head back to that same direction. the future that u imagine,but its too late you wonder? yes most definitely, i will move on with career and all.. but when two people still love each other is anything ever too late?

hais. i really hope when i get my first job. you will be there. to celebrate with me. to share this joy with me.. i hope you will be strong and face this with me. but i can only hope.. i greedy.. i wan a job, to feed my family, to able to go shopping, to eat good food once in a while, pamper myself with spas and manicures, travel. i want my friends who are always there to listen to my nonsense, to encourage me, to show me love anytime and even though they feel like scolding me, they cant. or they scold me because i deserve to be scolded. i wan my family to be living happily, to be supportive of each other. and last of all, i wan you too. :D because all of you make me happy. anyone/anything lesser i really will try to fight my way to win it back. cause i love and treasure all these things.


selfish/crazy/stubborn/delusional/confused.