im blogging at work

1) i am BORED
2) i have somethings on my mind that i cant get rid of them

its there.
that nagging feeling
im not so sure anymore

but we all have choices
if only there was somebody ...

can i be selfish
can i dun pick up calls when ure crying, sad, angry
dun reply smses when i know youre hurt, depressed
dun care about what you feel
jus think about what i wan, what i need

cause at the end of the day
everyone thinks for themselves
and so wat if im understanding and give give give
whos gonna think for me at the end of the day
NOBODY

so dun expect me to be nice
because some people have no initiative, have no conscience and have no brains to think for other people

thats why im angry
thats why im sad
thats why i cant do anything
i cant even say out the exact reason why im upset
I CANT
it will tear everything apart again

and so i wait

which adeline you all prefer?
choose
let me know

the one who, is irritated but tries to keep quiet and help u
but she cant always be at that level, she has her own temper, own problems, own thinking, own feelings.
so she bursts, snaps, sarcastic remarks.
and then you turn aroound and say 'adeline today siao, emo, bad mood, for nothing anngry'
and nobody bothers
and blame me instead
but they forget to reflect on their own bloody actions and spare a thought for other people

OR

adeline who feels irritated, think that if i dont tell u, u'll never know. so i snap/complain/feedback
but no, say i always complain, always emo, always unhappy..
the adeline that you know is not like tt blah blah

so what exactly you all want
cant be myself
nobody accepts me for me but want me to accept them for that
so i keep quiet most of the time
i talk rubbish most of the time
i laugh alot, smile alot
even though im feeling empty inside

cause this is the adeline everyone wants
cant be angry, cant complain, cant make noise, cant be selfish, must be understanding

im tired
its like a struggle to live everyday